“For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them. ”
My Dearest MacKynzie,
Middle school was a very confusing time for me, as is with many kids as they are trying to figure out their place in the world. My body resembled that of a stick bug. I had zero curves and unusually long arms and legs that seemed to jet out from my body like a mangrove. At the end of my limbs were huge hands and feet. I outgrew my mom’s shoes before I reached puberty. Despite my lanky body, I was amazingly good at sports. Most of the time, I preferred hanging out with the boys because I had more in common with them than the girls. I lived in a ball cap and cut my hair short. I was the last girl in my class to shave my legs, only because I was made fun of repeatedly in P.E. class. I remember sitting in my room asking God to magically turn me into a boy. I hated my body so much. I wrapped my chest with ace bandages and wore very tight sports bras. To this day, I have not shared with anyone how deep the feelings went. Later in middle school, I surrounded myself with girls that had similar feelings. This was the first time I drank and smoked cigarettes. It seemed like they too were trying to bandaid the dark feelings inside and we would sneak around to desperately fill a void. Little did I know at the time, that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. It wasn’t until after I got married that I learned God is intentional and the way I was created was not an accident or a mistake.
As I went into high school, my body started catching up with the size of my feet. I found friends that knew Jesus and introduced me to him. Though I was still not ready to build a relationship, I knew he was there. I started dating boys and wearing makeup. By the time I graduated high school, I was content with who I had become. To this day, I still hate putting on makeup and fixing my hair. My nails are always a mess and I’ve worn high heels twice in 10 years. I’ve come to realize that it is completely ok. I am still a beautiful woman in my own way. Beauty is not defined by the media, social platforms or Hollywood, it is defined by our creator.
Though difficult, I share this story because I know there are a lot of girls that can relate. If I grew up in the world we have today, I probably would not have a daughter to write these letters to. I would have been told in middle school that I was born in the wrong body. ‘Professionals’ that I trusted would have encouraged me to transition so I could be happy. I would have taken life altering drugs that deepen their pockets. They would have me hooked for years to come. This makes me grieve deeply for our world. I could not imagine life without my husband and my children. This is a perspective we are not allowed to discuss. I am not denying that a very small percentage of people are born with body or gender dysphoria and I am not downplaying the seriousness of those feelings. But, I think there are a larger majority of children and teens that can relate with my story. Sadly, the opportunity to blossom into a fully developed woman is stripped from them before they even have a chance to bud.
My loving advice to you. First, remember that it is completely normal to go through times where you don’t feel comfortable in your body. Got created us intentionally and called it very good. Second, do not be afraid to speak up on this topic. We must start discussing both sides of the story and questioning what the long term effects will be. As Christians, we must share the blessing of Psalm 139. We do not always know the plans that God has for us, but he does. We must refuse to go along with the trend that is sweeping over our kids and teens. the Bible says ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it’. It is our job to lead and protect our children, they are the most vulnerable. If this letter has an impact on one life, the struggle that I went though as a child was all worth it. I just hope this reaches one teen or one parent that can relate. God takes ugly experiences and creates beauty from them I’ve seen it happen over and over again. It is time to transition, but not in the way of the world.
Live to inspire others. My love to you and my prayer for an amazing life!
The purpose of this letter is to inspire my daughter MacKynzie to live a prosperous, God loving, joyful, legacy building life. Who knows, it may help you too. Please ‘like’ if you found this letter useful and please ‘share’ if you want to help inspire others. You never know who is watching ;)
Me in middle school:
